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A Mussar Practice at Work My husband and I traveled to be with our daughter and her family when their new baby arrived. Little did I realize that my Mussar practice would come into play for that two-week time span last May. My daughter and I experienced many difficult years as she grew up and entered her 20s. They were very rocky times. Over recent years, we’ve both grown up and began to grow together bit by bit. During the 10-hour drive to their home, I became introspective. I decided it would be best to watch my behavior with her at this emotional time, with hormones raging and sleep disappearing from her schedule. So, I thought it best to be patient with her, to accept anything she said or asked without taking it personally, to ask and do whatever she asked of me, to be aware of her position, her place and space having just given birth. It hadn’t yet come to my awareness that Mussar was working within me, helping me decide to be observant of my behavior. It felt so natural and the appropriate way to help her, as her mom. Also, I had asked a couple of times during the end of her pregnancy if she’d consider naming the baby after my sister-in-law, Susan (Shoshana), for Sue’s two children have completed their families. She said “no” and it was let go of verbally, but not in my heart. Again, I was trying to be a good mom. The Mussar was present and, to borrow a phrase, “I did not know it.” The baby was born and for the first day and a half he was “baby boy.” On day two, Landon Jacob was chosen but she still needed a Hebrew name. She chose Yaakov as the first name, for she loves the symbolism of Jacob/Yaakov and then asked me what Aunt Sue’s Hebrew name was. I glowed and was so grateful. So, with some investigation around male names for Shoshana, my rabbi helped us to find and choose Shai/gift as a middle name. Yaakov Shai. And at the bris she said that Landon Jacob, Yaakov Shai, is named after Aunt Sue. Oh what a gift! (and my niece was present at the brit milah to witness this beautiful event). We glowed and cried. During the week, I worked hard doing laundry, cooking, keeping up, helping her, giving her space to sleep, respecting her privacy…anything she needed. Yes, I was exhausted, as was my husband at the end, but that was OK. Before we left, she said something to me that had never been said before: “Thanks, mom. I couldn’t have done it without you.” What a gift! Another gift from baby Yaakov Shai. Upon arriving home, speaking to a friend from Manchim — Group Leader Training — on the phone, my friend said to me: “Look at the Mussar you practiced. Anavah, kavod, savlanut!” (Humility, honor and patience.) And then, another day, with my chevruta, bitachon (trust in God) was added to the list. It feels as though the transformation is happening. Unaware of Mussar working within, the gifts of this learning have enhanced my life and the lives of my family to an unexpected or dreamed of place. My thinking or decisions had little to do with me. The practice of Mussar is taking hold and bringing me to a transformative place where a glow emanates from within. Through the work of The Mussar Institute my prayer is for continued transformation and to radiate the glow to others. I am grateful to TMI for helping me to begin the process of lifting veils of grey covering my soul, and showing me how to share the glow from within. What a gift. Joanne Lancin is a student of Mussar from Toms River, N.J. She has facilitated Mussar programs through The Mussar Institute and her synagogue, Congregation B’nai Israel. |
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