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By Shirah Bell, Director of Everyday Holiness Program You may be tired of hearing about Bernie Madoff, the stock market decline, and the terrible suffering that has resulted. Many of us are staring at our brokerage or bank statements wondering, “How did this happen to me?” That is a very interesting question, but I would like to turn it from the passive to the active voice and ask, “How did I participate in this happening?” What middah or middot might the current situation reveal to be off balance in me? I struggled with these two questions for a long time after the 2001 stock market “tech wreck,” when our retirement portfolio fell (on paper) about 30 percent from its peak before I sold. I was filled with fear, anger, and self-recrimination. How could I have been so stupid? I should have sold when I had the feeling it was time! How can I ever recover that money? Will I ever be able to retire? I examined the middot of humility, anger and compassion, and found much to work on. However, it wasn’t until I confronted my greed that I experienced release. By greed, I mean the desire to amass “more and better”: greed not only for money, but for anything in life – food, friends, sex, books, time. Confronting our own greed is not pretty. I always considered myself to be a moderate person. But am I really? Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto cautions us in The Path of the Just that desires and yearnings encourage us to rationalize and give us great leeway in justifying actions we take. We turn our wants into needs and forget that we’ve done that. Then we become unhappy because we don’t have what we “need.”
Don’t bother asking yourself, “Am I greedy?” It’s a waste of time; we are all greedy, at least in some moments about some features of life. Instead, I invite you to ask yourself, “In what ways am I greedy, and about what?” Money and possessions are obvious starting points. But greed (and the companion traits of lust, envy, and pride) pervade all aspects of our modern lives. We are surrounded by the social music of greed at every turn, every day. The pervasive themes of all advertising are greed, lust, envy, and pride. I recently discovered that my chronic busyness is really driven by greed. There are so many things I want to do, it’s hard for me to say no. Then, after saying yes to far more than I actually need, I feel pressured, wishing I could slow down, and trying to find a place to lay blame for the overwhelming load of work. All the books I buy and don’t have time to read, the people I meet and wish I could get to know better, the recipes I collect to cook and then can’t choose among – all of these are manifestations of greed. What is the antidote to greed? R. Luzzatto says cleanliness from sin (nekiyut), which we acquire by continual “cleaning” (self examination in the midst of study of halachic and ethical teachings.) Similarly, R. Dessler emphasizes directing our ambitions toward spiritual matters, saying, “There is no happiness in the world in material things.” Obviously fully turning from material things is difficult, and even moving in that direction is a big leap for many of us, perhaps too big. I have found that what motivates my greed is fear of not having what I think I need, and what motivates that fear is lack of trust that the Divine will provide (bitachon). I write this during the week when we study the Torah portion B’shalakh. The Israelites wander in the desert and HaShem promises to provide them with enough food (manna) each day. When people gather more than they need for the day, the extra rots. Maybe the 30 percent in my portfolio that I “lost” was manna that rotted? How can I know? My answer for now is building trust in Hashem. My greed and fear have their antidote with the godliness inside me. I am enough just as I am. I don’t need more to become a worthwhile person. Can I trust in God to take care of me, to give me what I need, even when it doesn’t look like that is happening? I invite you to keep looking for where greed shows up in your life, and build trust in HaShem. |
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